Confused But Who Cares

I have reached a point further into the realm of stress and depression that I have not encountered before.

On Sunday last, a double homicide occurred which included the execution of a two-year-old. My role in this was to provide a counsel to those who were on-scene at this event. While I did my best to calm the fears and trepidations of the on-scene officers, as well as my own experiences in dealing with those who were on-scene.

Apparently, my efforts were not sufficient because an outside agency was called in to debrief those who were on-scene. Thus, I not only must deal with those who witnessed the scene where the execution of a two year old occurred and their biases, I now must face the fact that an outside agency was brought in to debrief those involved EXCEPT me.

Yet, in the eleven years I have been a Chaplain, witnessing murders, the aftermath of murders, the deaths of infants, whores, deputies,the aged…yet I have never…..NEVER been debriefed because apparently I don’t warrant that courtesy.

I have held the hand of the dying; held the body of a dead infant as decomp oozed from her nostrils while attempting to convince the mother to relinquish custody of the body of her dead daughter to the coroners.

I have attended the deaths of many who were in hospital as they died. Nonetheless, I have conducted funerals for the dead I did not know and those whom I did know. Yet, no one bothered to offer me a debrief. I was expected to suppress my agony whilst plastering on a sanguine smile to fool the others.

Needless to say, I have reached the point where I am ready to exit this world.